Rabbit (scarfacerabbit) wrote,


"she misses you, just between you and me," said my old pal into his cell phone. i haven't seen either of them since the accident.

i had an english teacher who told me, "there are no true synonyms. every word has its own nuance"

what does it mean to miss someone? if she missed me in a way that meant she wanted to get back together, that would only indicate an unnecessary attachment to past modes and routines, distracting her from the opportunitites inherent in the good paths we've moved on to. if she missed me in a way that merely acknowledged a pleasant history, the sentiment would be shared, even expected ("by the book"), but, it occurs to me, equally inconsequential.

inconsequential does not mean the same thing as trvial. such a thing is merely without consequence, insufficient to arouse action. it may still be non-trivial, but any appreciation is subjective, fleeting. it is no catalyst. in the expanse between now and death, it changes nothing.
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Here's a word for you...
while i'll admit my writing is so often less effectual post-vicodin-and-bath than at other times, the spirit of the post was intended to convey a sense of liberation.

too often mushy cancerian types are pulled this way and that by purly sentimental sentiments, no matter how irrelevant they may be to one's true path. in my modestly epiphinous moment, i was pleased to observe my reaction to my friend's well-intentioned-but-ultimately-irrelevant comment, in which i was able to appreciate it but without it even wavering the needle of my compass.

in my primitive world, learning even such fundamental life lessons is progress, the opposite of self-defeating.

no more vicodin-drowsied posts for me....